Super Bowl. Great wings, dip, totally junk food dinner. My Son and his Lady joined us. One was missing. My Dad.
The game was never why we got together. We gathered for the company of family and friends.
After the Super Bowl, "This is Us" came on. In this episode, the patriarch dies suddenly. While watching, I was reminded of my Mom's passing 20 years ago. It was sudden. Unexpected. I was at the cafeteria getting coffee when I heard a code blue. Somehow I knew it was my Mom. The elevator was slow. The hall too long. I felt it took hours to reach ICU. In those few minutes, my Mom was gone.
The drawing I did (above) was my memory of the moment. My Dad, his Mom and I were in the ICU waiting room. The Doctor arrived, told us she was gone. Cold and without emotion, he sweep from the room. I remember hearing the snap of his lab coat as he fled
Sudden death is hard. My Dad's has been tougher. Hospice for over a month. Improvements in health, mental clarity, general well being. All the time knowing he was dying.
I was reminded of a quote I shared with a close friend after his Mom's death. "First you lose the cat. Then you lose the kittens. Over and over you lose the kittens."
Tonight I lost two kittens. One for my Dad not being at our Super Bowl gathering. One for my Mom after watching, "This is Us."
Life. Death. Reality.
No guilt. No remorse. Just longing and memories.